The Green Light

Ironman has come and gone. By pretty much all standards, it was a good day... The weather was kind to us with 70* temps which made running the easiest I have ever remembered, the swim was decent and the bike was, well windy, but beatable. The crowds were out in force and the energy of the day was high. Of course there are things I could have gone without... the flat tire on the bike, being so close to my goal that I had tried to not worry about, as I thought it was unattainable... but in the end, I was supported by amazing people, shared the day with inspiring athletes & friends and PR'd by a half hour. I don't remember ever having so much fun on the run portion of a triathlon, so all those things point to a successful day. But things have become harder... somewhere over the years I have crossed over into the world where "finishing" an Ironman doesn't seem to be the focus, that the question is no longer "how did you feel?" - it has become immediately "what time did you finish??" I suppose I should take that as a compliment in some ways... that people now see me as an athlete, or maybe someone they expect to go fast, but for someone who is already far too competitive, this seems to just add a level of pressure or unsatisifaction for me. I feel the need to explain why my bike segment wasn't as fast as it should have been (and knowingly that I was on track for)... to explain that it is a bittersweet end to the season as I was so close to a goal I have wanted forever... I can not be fully disappointed, because it was a good day and I crushed my previous time, but I don't feel like I can truly celebrate because I know what it could have been. It's been a really rough stretch and I NEEDED that time. I needed to be truly happy about something. So it continues... the strive to be better, the steps to be where I want to be, to get what I need to be happy. It is hard. Sometimes I even wonder if it's possible.

There are these things I don't understand. Things that change on a dime and although they make sense to me to a point, I ultimately just can not wrap my mind around them. For example there is the green light. A light that used to make my heart explode with happiness every time I saw it light up... and I believe it used to feel the same way to the other side of the green light... but how much that has changed. I now watch the green light realizing that the happiness that is tied to that green light might never be the same. That the green light now makes my heart hurt, because I don't understand how things can change so quickly and so ultimately. And why does my heart not work the same? I understand... I do... and I am trying... but man is it hard. Hard to convince that the green light still means the same, that it is as powerful as it once was, because in my heart, it is, but the happiness is not there to accompany it. So the race continues. The race to be better, to beat the clock that so loudly is ticking down. To recapture the happiness behind the green light. The green light means everything to me.

The Ironman is a race of 1, surrounded by many. This is just a race of 1.
I know I can finish an Ironman...

Enough

So the good news is that I made it out for that ride... and a few more since. I've had some strong runs, some refreshing swims, and great appreciation that I have Ironman to focus on, even though the focus has been anywhere but there. I am simply going through the motions... which I can thank my 8 year base for :) Perhaps when the focus is not on what is so important to me is when it will work out for me? Here's hoping.

This week has been a hard one. Although I am still going to support my last blog and hope for the best, this week has brought up other hard realizations... sometimes you just don't win. It doesn't matter how badly you want something, how hard you fight, how much of yourself you give, it just isn't going to roll in your favor. On a personal level, I am sadly finding that to be far too true. There are so many things I am absolutely sure of, that I would give the world for, that I dream of and believe in 110%, but reality is that maybe it's not enough. This doesn't mean that I'm not going to be a superhero, it might mean that my armor just doesn't shine as brightly as it could, that my armor is weaker than it should be and that some of my powers aren't as powerful as I want them to be. It is a struggle... but that's my effort to become a superhero. On the other side there is a real-life superhero that has done everything in his power, defied odds, barriers and limitations. He is facing the end of his life, which has been much too short. A man that has battled cancer for 10 years, never giving in and changing lives... so many lives... along the way. He has earned his superhero status 5,000 times over. If we are honest, we could say that he has ultimately won in that he got 10 years when he should have had a year and a half... but the reality is that it's still not right. A good deserving person is going to lose because life doesn't make sense. I don't know how to wrap my mind around that.

I wish Eric the best. And I thank him for being such an inspiration to so many, including myself. Ultimately my problems mean nothing compared to what he has faced and what he is up against, but I do realize that they are still important. They are worth listening to and respecting, because at the end of the day, we are always doing the best we can and fighting for what we want or believe in. I am hoping that there is a beautiful meaning behind all this because the alternate would be cruel. I am going to stick with my thought that there is only one reason for this happening and it is because it leads to ultimate happiness in the end, but I think about Eric and I'm not so sure. Maybe he was meant to be a guardian angel... both on earth and off. I think he's up to the job and anyone would be insanely lucky to get him. Maybe that is his reason.

In the meantime, I'm going to ask for a little more strength, and courage and resilience to keep going after what I so desperately need and want for my life. I'm doing the best I can, I just hope it's enough.

Eric, you are amazing. I hope for great things for you, wherever your path might take you.

Life

So it tells me that my last post was in 2009. That's sad.

I'm not sure why I'm starting up again, but feel that I need an outlet, maybe some inspiration and a definite change. But as we know, change can be hard... life rolls so quickly and sometimes just trying to keep up is struggle enough. I think I have found myself here. So how do we re-grab control? I'll take suggestions if you have them!

It's been a rough couple years, but someone mentioned "character building" which made me start to think... was this all the master plan? To build me into a warrior? To make me stronger, or to break me down enough that I have to re-evaluate? I'm not going to pretend and say that I am enjoying this, because I'm not, but HOPEFULLY there will be a beneficial outcome, a solid purpose, that later in life I can look back and say it was all worth it.

As I'm heading into my last month of training before what will be my 9th Ironman Wisconsin, reflection is great. The past two years has been full of injuries, emotional chaos, moments of strength and success, breakdown, tears and smiles... I think when looking back, everyone would say they have experienced all of those things... so are our characters becoming stronger? The positive answer would be yes, as long as you continue to move forward. I need to learn how to move forward - because right now I feel I am on the pedestal of the American Gladiators jousting event, refusing to fall off, but definitely not winning the battle.

The good news is that I'm determined. I'll get through Ironman this year, even if the goal I want might be out of my reach. I'll put on the smile that is "me" that cheerleads on the world and everyone I encounter and I'll continue to fight, because at the end of this tunnel, there has to be a light. And I believe that light is going to be blinding, because when we struggle, I don't believe we struggle only to come out beaten. I am going to believe that we are "character building" and at the end we will come out with a shiny coat of armor, a superhero emblem on our chest and our heads held high.

But first, get through Ironman. Starting with this ride, I so greatly don't feel like doing.

Here's to all the budding warriors and superheros out there. I am going to be amazing and I feel bad for anyone that gives up on me before I get there. I'm going for the dream and I hope the cast that I want there, will be there in the end, because it's going to be fun.

Disclaimer: This post is extremely long... sorry!

Race Report | Ironman Wisconsin 9.13.09

BACKGROUND STORY:

Early on… It was a tough year… back in December I found out I’d been running on a stress fracture in my right tibia while training to run the Phoenix marathon. The unfortunate part of this story is that I was really making progress. I’d never done speed or tempo work and it was paying off. I set PRs in most, if not all, the runs I did regardless of the pain - and in various distances. I was well on my way to improving my run. Oops. All right, snag number one… no biggie, I’d take a couple months off, let it heal and get back out there. Docs scared me with stories of the hard to heal injury and told me I had to take 3 mos off… no running or impact but I could swim and bike all I wanted. I took off 5. I became pretty strong on the bike and swim and when I started running again, I was optimistic. Then the leg started to hurt again. Not so much in the bone but lower on the inside near the ankle/shin. I was told that my fracture was coming back so I stopped running again. I found this really strange but did not want to risk another 5+ months off or another full blown injury this far into the season. I do think this broke my spirit a little. Where I had felt really strong before (on the other two disciplines) I started to feel weak and frustrated… I started to lose confidence. About a month out I started the attempt to build the run again. I ran twice a week for fairly short distances (run/walking and got up to an hour in length) and did some long walks on the weekends. I think this helped me a great deal heading into the race. The big test came 2 weeks out when I ran the Madison Mini Marathon (13 miles) – unfortunately I got very sick the night before but luckily felt well enough to run in the morning. I did not set any record speeds, and my legs were definitely hurting near the end, but I did manage to run the 13… I was very happy with that and for the first time really believed that Sept. 13^th might not be so bad.

Hitch 2… on the Monday morning before the race, Labor Day, after a solid last training weekend I was out cleaning up after my dogs. They were wrestling and having a great time. I should have been more cautious of their morning energy but hindsight is 20/20 right? While I was looking the other direction, the whirling dervish of fur came barreling into the outside of my left knee and I immediately felt my knee go out and the next thing I knew I was on the ground. I was holding my knee (and my breath) as I waited to feel the extent of the damage. It was not good, but not disastrous… I immediately went in, took Advil and iced it. This started the week of complete rest, elevation, ice and Advil. I didn’t do anything on it until Thursday when I tried the swim. Friday I tried the bike – the run would wait until game time. It didn’t feel great but it was worth a shot… oh but we weren’t done with the bad luck yet…

To top it off… last but not least, I got sick… REALLY sick. I’m always nervous so I’m sure some of my nausea those 2 weeks leading up could be related to that but I could not pawn off the insane sinus pain and migraines to the nerves. I tried everything and no drug or sinus cleanse was touching it. My ears were plugged, I was nauseous, dizzy and in some serious pain. Miserable and scary leading into the one day you’ve been shooting for all year…

GAME DAY

Pre-race:

Woke up feeling nervous but ok… took the sinus meds and crossed my fingers. Managed to eat most of what I’d planned on (two pieces of gluten free toast with peanut butter and jelly on each and 2 eggs – didn’t get the cereal down…), gathered my things and headed to the venue. The nerves were getting the better of me and the nervous energy of my other 2500 co-participants was definitely not helping me. Luckily, I usually relax once the gun goes off. I did not take my gel 15 minutes prior to the start due to lack of water and hindsight tells me that will be a priority for next year. The weather was slated to be gorgeous – sunny, high around 81 with light/variable wind. This would be interesting on a few different points – first, we had been training in insane winds all season and on a windy day, that bike course is BRUTAL! Second, it had been a very very mild summer. I’m not sure that I trained in weather any warmer than 80 degrees more than a handful of times. This could cause some issues but that was yet to be determined… all I knew at the time was that the water was glass. Always a great sign for an Ironman swim…

Swim | 1:11

(34/132 div. place, 1:53 pace)

Entered the water not long before “go time.” I like it that way, less time to float around, use energy and get even more nervous. I was happy to see that my anti-fog drops were doing the trick. Earlier in training my goggles were fogging and I found myself getting panicky in the water, which was a new feeling for me. I’m usually pretty calm and confident in training. Anyway – I lined up on the inside of the buoy line a little bit back from the front. Made a deal with the guy behind me that I would do my best to not kick him if he tried to not swim over the top of me. With that, the gun sounded and the day began. I was happy with the swim for the most part – I was able to find open water more frequently than I had in the past, however I also found myself stuck behind swimmers that were quite a bit slower than myself. I felt like I was swimming very steady but not pushing myself to any crazy limits, I still felt relaxed. I had some issues (as did everyone!) with the corners. They were chaotic, slow and pretty brutal which I believe slowed me down quite a bit relative to how I felt I was swimming and my final time. I did take in two pretty large gulps of Lake Monona but for the most part got out of the swim fairly unharmed.  And yes… it was a PR.

T1 | 9:51

My goal was to improve this time. My transition times are a little ridiculous. The strippers were awesome this year – by far the fastest that wetsuit has ever come off me. Loved it! Unfortunately I took 5 steps to run up the helix and realized that it wasn’t going to happen. Again, “save it for the run” so I switched to a quick walk up the helix and into the gear bag room. For the first time I got into a fairly empty changing room, took a seat and allowed a fabulous volunteer to help me out. Everything went smoothly – I wore my bike shorts under the wetsuit for the first time this year and I think that worked out very well. I had been nervous that it would change how I felt in the water because little tweaks can mess with my back, but all was good. I was out the door, into the porta potty and out in a fairly quick time (for me). My bike was located fairly close in the row to transition which was not ideal for the fact that you have a longer distance to run with your bike. While I was jogging down the lot I realized that it was a) a pretty long distance, b) my heart rate was insanely high and c) I didn’t seem to have a lot of energy. I saw my super supportive family cheering me on I was off. It was going to be a good day…

Bike | 6:26:50

(26/132 div. place, 17.4 pace)

It didn’t take me long to realize that something was very off once I was on the bike. I was spinning easy to make sure my knee was warmed up and my stomach was acclimated. What I wasn’t prepared for was the immediate feeling of nausea and dizziness, the complete lack of energy and a sky-high heart rate that would not come down regardless of what I did. Coasting down hills, which would normally drop my HR to the low teens (ie: 113), was dropping to 165 if I was lucky. I took in calories much earlier than originally planned to see if that would help, and it did to a point but unfortunately it set the stage for the day. This was the first time I actually questioned whether I would have to drop out of a race and I was not even to Whalen Rd. yet – which is not far into the course. I continued to push the calories early on and they helped me through the feeling of weakness but the off feeling I had over all did not go away. I was very very lucky for the light winds, and my legs felt awesome for the first loop. In training my quads had felt like they were going to blow not even 20 miles into a ride but today they felt completely untouched. That was very exciting… maybe I would always take the week of the race off completely! Ha! Although I was riding well, I still felt very ill. I seemed to be handling the power gels ok so I continued to push those and I believe I went though 5 of them and a special k bar on the first loop (as well as some salt and a couple waterbottles). I got to the special needs bag and forced down the pbj uncrustable knowing that it was substantial calories and sodium and hoping it would bring me back. The rest of the food I pocketed incase my stomach came around but I was again going to put my faith in the gels. The first time around I had a gel flask of vanilla power gels, the second one that I picked up in SNeeds was carboom which I found that I did not like as much, however I did want the caffeine. I wound up becoming a fan of the green apple power gels (which had 1x caffeine in them) and took them whenever I could. The problem I ran into on the second loop (other than my dropped chain going into the Mt. Horeb hill) was leg cramping. I went through all my salt tabs as well as additional gels (200mg of sodium) but couldn’t stop them. I was still able to ride but it did slow me down considerably due to not being able to push as hard as I was hoping to and having to slow down in order to dig out more tabs and gels. The beautiful and frustrating thing about the bike was that it was THE day to light up that course… I’ve never seen it so calm and my legs felt great. I was disappointed to see how many people were drafting though. There were packs everywhere, which was frustrating from my end because I was not able to get by 7 people at a time… I never saw a race official or a photographer. Bummer cause I had been practicing my “focused” look J.  Despite the issues, it was still a PR of about 15 minutes. Should have been more but I’ll take it J.

T2 | 11:22

This one went ok, but was slow because I just couldn’t leave J. Got through everything I needed to as usual – again, the volunteer helping me was amazing! I did a complete outfit change, bodyglide and hat. Unfortunately mistake number one was that I put my shoes on before I saw the knee brace. Decided that was a definite necessity so I took off my shoe, put the brace on and put the shoe back on. Oops. Then, the doc chick kinda freaked us out though saying that it was 81 but had a heat index of 96… ouch. No wonder I was cramping on the bike! Anyway, I made the decision to take the waterbottle out with me in order to ease my way into things… Yeah, well as I’m leaving a woman offers me water which reminds me I forgot to grab the bottle – damn. Back I go… grab the bottle put some water in it and start to head out again. STOP! There’s something poking you in your shoe… that will cause some serious issues later – fix it while you have chairs! So back in I go, take off my shoe, find it’s in my sock, fix it, put everything back on and off I go… yup… 11:22. Sucky. I grabbed my Garmin 405 and the pace chart on my way out as well. A quick stop in the porta potty and on to leg 3… only 26.2 to go. Only…

Run | 4:55:49

(51/132 div. place, 11:18 pace)

Started out walking. Saw that I was coming out of T2 around 2:57 so I decided to set my Garmin runner (aka: Brad) for 16 min ahead of my pace chart. I would need to stay with or ahead of Brad in order to get me in before 13 hours. If I didn’t hit that then I knew I’d have 15 more minutes to get in before 13:15. I continued walking around the square until I reached the downhill. I had yet to try out the knee and I was more than a little nervous. Set off in a jog and realized that I was ok – it was hot as hell but my knee was ok. Off I went. I am not sure I was even to a mile before I felt a cramping right below my sports bra line. It was definitely not pleasant and unfortunately never went away. I did try a couple times to get rid of it – took some charcoal and later some gas x but neither helped. I did my best to run in between aid stations and found myself walking most of the inclines as I really didn’t feel well but was determined to move forward as quickly as possible. I took Gatorade at every aid station and made sure that there was water in my waterbottle (which I wound up carrying the entire marathon!) then would pour the ice cubes in my sports bra and squeeze two sponges over my head. When they got around to offering chicken broth I took in some of that too… it was keeping me going but never helped with the cramping. I did take in about 3 or 4 gels and some more salt tabs throughout the run but I was nervous to take them since the nausea never really went away. When I got down past octopus carwash on the second loop I saw my friend Dean who said “we need to get you in under 13.” I think at that point I snickered and responded “I wish… I just don’t have it” I was just over 8 miles out at that point and already digging deeper than my reserves went. Although I had decided at the turn around that I was going to do everything that I could to run as much as possible I saw my hopes of sub 13 quickly going downhill. State Street was tough because my fam was no longer there… It was quickly getting tougher. I really enjoy lakeshore path so I was doing my best to run there as long as possible… at least until the next aid station. That worked for the most part but again I looked at my watch and thought I was screwed for the sub 13. I saw Dean again, who’s wife Michele was right behind me. From here I really owe a lot of my remaining race to Michele. She passed me and consistently ran till the end. When I was running I was moving a little faster than she was so I would catch up, but inevitably would slow to a walk and she would pass again. I knew I had to stick with her. As I was heading out to picnic point and heard all these other people who were heading back talking about finishing just under 13 which caused me to panic a little. I saw Dean again and he said I could do it and had 45 minutes – it was 7:15. I managed to run to the next aid station and continued from there… walking as minimally as I could handle and only allowing myself to walk for a 30 count when I did. My quads were beyond shot. Again, Michele kept me going… at about 24.5 miles my friend Brad found me and said you’re going to have to push. I think my respond was “push what” but I knew he was right. A little bit up the road someone yelled out that it was 7:44. Shoot. I was approaching mile 25 and I knew that I could walk a 14 min mile if I needed to but it was pretty much all uphill and what if her watch was off? I kept running and I honestly don’t know how I did it. I broke down into a walk at the aid station on the other side of the square, counted my 30 and forced the finish. I made it down the shoot to see 12:54… on a year where I thought all was lost, questioned whether I would be able to compete, let alone run, going into that weekend - I had managed to PR and ultimately achieve my goal of finishing with a 12 at the front of my time. I had done it. It was painful and certainly not pretty but it was a lot to ask on a bad year so I’ll take it. 

So it's been awhile... shocking for me huh?! :) Things have kinda been rolling along without any huge milestones to blog about so I've been slacking - but I suppose I should get back on it huh? Training is going pretty well... the run is coming along slowly as I'm sure it's intended to! Unfortunately I am an impatient person and want and expect to see immediate results in everything I do... this plays a huge mental game with me but I'm working on letting that one go. Ha, that might be a topic to blog about in itself! Anyway...

Swimming is swimming... I'm not sure that it ever really changes a lot however I do get to swim open water as part of masters class on Tuesday and that is usually pretty fun! Granted, I was boating around that lake a couple weeks ago and there was quite a bit of floating green matter that doesn't excite me too much! :) Maybe I'll be lucky that my goggles fog to the point of not being able to see! In the pool - working on the flip turns... progress has been made - I can now flip, although it is never a guarantee that it will be over the top and not to the side or that I won't drive myself straight to the bottom of the pool! That's always a good time! I am much more comfortable flipping on the deep end of the pool so I tend to only do it half the time and even that is when there's no one else in my lane :) I did manage a full 200 flipping and the other day integrated them into my workout (again, they were 50s so I only needed to do them on the deep end!) We're getting there.... I can't believe how much more tired they make you - probably the lack of oxygen right!? :) 

The bike... this has proved to be pretty solid so far. I was very nervous going into a 100-mile charity ride last weekend (not really sure why I was nervous... maybe cause it was 30 miles over my longest? I know realistically that wasn't going to be an issue... my mind is playing games with me this year...) Anyway... day arrives and the weather was far less than to be desired... rainy, cold and with a pretty substantial wind - YAY! Long story short, I got my legs ripped off (early on!) but had a ride time of around 5:35 (since I'm very very bad at remembering to stop my watch when I stop!) It was a solid ride - faster than I've ever done 100 miles in so that was great! All the guys seemed very content to let me pull and although that was good for my strength and mental, it kicked my ass for the later portion of the ride :) I made it through though, constantly chasing down the fast groups to try to hold on for a brief section. Probably not my smartest ride, but it was fast and made my legs burn so we'll call it a success. Ooooh... and I forgot to mention the new power food we found! They're called Laura's wholesome junk food... I know you can find them in Whole Foods here - they're like little cookie type bites that pack 110 cals for 2!!! Might be awesome race food... 4-6 in an hour (and seriously... you WANT to eat 20 of them!) and I've reached my goal! Seriously delicious...

The run... yeah, even a half hour is still work. Yikes! The good news is that I'm not feeling pain in the break area, but I am feeling some down on the inside of my shin/ankle area. I'm kinda dreading when the times get stretched out... right now mentally I can still convince myself to go out cause it's only 30 minutes :) BUT... I do know that running is the way for me to drop lbs so maybe I should get my butt out there :) Working my way up at this pace though (and based on how slow and how much work it feels like) I'm in for a tough run year! It'll come around :) 

As for event schedule, I am weaseling my way out of HHH (horribly hilly hundreds - 10,00o+ feet of climbing over 124 miles) this weekend which I'm happy and sad about - I could use another mental conquer under my belt but won't miss the pain of it! The challenge will be trying to make that up :) Otherwise, I am scheduled to do a 2 day charity ride in July followed the next weekend by Chisago Half Ironman... I have never raced this before (in fact have only raced one 1/2 IM) but have heard it's decent? Hopefully flat :) Otherwise, hoping to hit Waupaca sprint in August. Still haven't decided whether I want to try an olympic in the beginning of July... honestly, I don't know if my run would be up to speed by then. We shall see I guess!  

On the nutrition note... I haven't been feeling great lately so working on locking things down. Starting first with the grains/gluten and have cut out sugar (still allowed natural sugars such as fruit) I'm really keeping my fingers crossed on this one. My new favorite thing - sprouted grain raisin bread :) ha ha... simple pleasures right? 

Ok, enough of my book for today. Maybe if I updated this more often it wouldn't go on for so long! Thanks for reading... hope you're having a great weekend and if you're racing - great job! I hope it was fabulous!

Smiles,

B

So I really don't have much to report this week... other than I have not come even CLOSE to hitting any of my goals! In fact, I think I might have blown them so far out of the water this week that I would be better off making a whole new set of goals so that I don't call myself a complete failure :) But... I'm not going to do that. I have faith that these are the goals that I need to attain in order to make myself healthier, so I'll try again this week. Things I have learned from NOT following my goals though... Stress is REALLY toxic to your body. It was a stressful week, and man was my body telling me so. Everything suffered but it was so apparent in my workouts that it proves to me that these goals will help me attain my bigger and better goals for the season. I just need to lock them down. Second, that apparently all my goals (with the exception of the water drinking) are very closely tied together... when I'm stressed I don't sleep, and when I'm stressed and tired, I don't eat as I should because comfort needs to come from somewhere and my best friend sugar is always ready to pick me up. Such a good friend... 

Anyway, I'm going to try again to hit the goals... wish me luck (again if you already were nice enough to cheer me on the first time!) 

Hope everyone had a great week and are looking forward to the weekend. 

Peace out. 

Happy Saturday! That means we made it right? Sometimes that is a push in itself... if it was that kind of week for you, congrats on making it through! :) 

So this last week was one of those weeks for me. Not awful, but long and kinda stressful... didn't feel great, you know the list... it made me think that I need to really lock things down. I'm a list maker, a note taker... for that reason I think my focus for this blog is to make some goals and really go after them. No more floundering around saying I'm going to do something and let it just lazily pass me by. Ha ha, that sounds like a goal in itself huh?

Here's what I've learned this week (or at least what I think I've learned...) 

One - I push my body too hard for me to skimp on sleep. I have always been short on sleep - college all nighters, 2 -3 hour nights, heck work all nighters now! My body works fine on little sleep and often it's amazing how well I hold up, but it's time I stop trying to push my body as far as it can go and instead take care of it. I know they say 7.5 or 8 hours is ideal, but I'll even settle for 7... that is Goal #1. I know there will be exceptions, but since I have made it a routine to do my workouts at 5:15 in the morning, no more 4 or 5 hours of sleep! :) This is going to be a tough one for me... I've always felt like if I was sleeping, I was missing out on something fun. But if I can't manage to stay awake to watch the show I want at 8:00 at night, then obviously I'm already missing the fun... right? 

Two - I need to lock down the eating... I've been getting better about this. I don't go crazy with sugar, trying to keep it to once a week (but must admit that I have failed a bit more this week...) but I also need to try out the gluten free thing again to see if that helps. It's a pain and not convenient or even good tasting but if it helps, it helps. I at least need to give it a chance. I think some of this will go with dairy too. I had a REALLY bad stomach week which made me remember first hand how miserable it can really be. We'll give it a try and see how it goes... this is Goal #2.

Three - drink more water!!! That one is pretty self explanatory... I don't do it now and supposedly it is good for you :) Goal #3.

Four - I need to limit stress. This is going to be huge for me. I'm a stress ball and it does nothing to help me. Nothing beneficial comes of it, nothing productive... so it's got to be eliminated. I was watching Biggest loser last night and more than once Trainer Bob (-sigh-) said that stress will greatly adverse your efforts to be great... both mentally and physically and it can lead to weight gain - exactly what I DON'T want!!! So my goal (#4) is to stop over analyzing and let things roll off my back. Stressing won't fix them so let it go. Pick my battles, fight those and let the rest go. (man this is going to be a challenge... this is changing my character here...)

I think that is going to be it for the list of goals today... reading back those 4 seem lofty and are going to take a lot of effort. I'm hoping once they all seem to work together I'm going to come out of this a better, stronger person - both mentally and physically. I WANT to be great. A great athlete, a great person, a great friend... I just need to get out of my own way first. 

...

On the sport side, I'm feeling strong and I love it... I don't know that I am necessarily stronger than any other year, but maybe just from where I was since December? I've actually been enjoying the trainer workouts (because yes, we're STILL getting snow!!! 3-7 inches possible tomorrow...) but have also got some solid rides in outdoors. Not sure how other states work, but in WI with warmer spring whether comes insane wind. I hate wind more than anything but I'll look at it as making me stronger :) Still not running, but I'm fine with that. Actually more fine that I expected to be :) Swimming is going well... I hope to get stronger but for now I'll just keep rockin it and see what happens... flips turns aren't quite there yet - I haven't given up! And I'm going to answer my question of the chlorine and sinuses... yeah... NOT good!!! :) 

So I think that's it for now. I hope that the weekend brings great things for all!!

Smiles,

B